Ex-Wife Says Joss Whedon is A 'Hypocrite Preaching Feminist Ideals'

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Filmmaker Joss Whedon is famous for making fan-favorite TV shows and films such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Avengers, and Avengers: Age of Ultron. He's also well-known for featuring strong female characters, and has been praised for his feminist ideals, and how they reflect on his works.

Sadly, his ex-wife Kai Cole shared a different side to Whedon that fans wouldn't want to hear. She wrote a piece published on The Wrap detailing her history with Whedon and her experiences with him during the 16 years of marriage.

She wrote about how they met in 1991, how she was the one who talked Whedon into developing Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a TV series, and how that project led to muliple affairs while they were married. She shared excerpts from letters that Whedon had written for her, and she explains how it made her feel:

Despite understanding, on some level, that what he was doing was wrong, he never conceded the hypocrisy of being out in the world preaching feminist ideals, while at the same time, taking away my right to make choices for my life and my body based on the truth. He deceived me for 15 years, so he could have everything he wanted. I believed, everyone believed, that he was one of the good guys, committed to fighting for women's rights, committed to our marriage, and to the women he worked with. But I now see how he used his relationship with me as a shield, both during and after our marriage, so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinize his writing as anything other than feminist.

I thought we were a couple, a team. I was a powerful influence on the career choices Joss made during the 20 years we were together (we lived together for four years before marrying). I kept him grounded, and helped him find the quickest way to the success he so deeply craved. I loved him. And in return, he lied to me. A lot. He said, after he left, he understood: "It's not just like I killed you, but that I'd done it subtly, over years. That I'd been poisoning you. Chipping away at you." He made me doubt my own instincts and watched me move further away from my personal values and social mores, trying to connect with him, never telling me it was impossible. By the time he finally confessed the truth, 15 years after his first affair on the set of "Buffy," I was broken. My brain could not fit my experience of our life together, through the new lens of his deceit.

My entire reality changed overnight, and I went from being a strong, confident woman, to a confused, frightened mess. I was eventually diagnosed with Complex PTSD and for the last five years, I have worked hard to make sense of everything that happened and find my balance again. It has not been easy, because even though in my personal life I have been completely open about what happened, publicly people only know his superficial presentation of us: him as the lovable geek-feminist and me in the background, as his wife and supporter.

It's pretty messed up to hear the gritty details of their personal life but that doesn't change my views on the talented filmmaker. Sure, it's probably not best for him to make speeches about feminism, but that doesn't mean that I will stop looking forward to his future projects just because I heard his ex-wife reveal some of his flaws.

In response to Cole's publication, a spokesperson for Whedon released this statement:

"While this account includes inaccuracies and misrepresentations which can be harmful to their family, Joss is not commenting, out of concern for his children and out of respect for his ex-wife."

Following Cole's essay, Joss Whedon fan site Whedonesque has shut after 15 years of operating.

What do you think about about what Whedon's ex-wife opened up about him?

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